Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
