i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
