I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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