So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
