did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
