dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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