Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
