i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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