Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
