I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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