I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
