I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
