Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
