I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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