True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
