I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
