Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
