Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
