I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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