I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
