The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
