What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
