Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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