The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
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