I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
