You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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