I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
