Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
