Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
