honey bunches of taint.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
