I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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