Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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