Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
