sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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