one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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