Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
