you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do herpes really smell.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
