He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
