EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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