Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
