so that wasnt chicken after all
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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