She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
