I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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