walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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