From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
