fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
