This is not my ceiling
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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