marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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