when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize