i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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