I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
