Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
