this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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