Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
