I puked a lego.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
