We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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