Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
