Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
