Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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