She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
