just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize