Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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