he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
