Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
