so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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