dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We left the knife in your bed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
