Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
