I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
