dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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