I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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