so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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