And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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